Voice Mail Jail
If you utilize an IVR properly, you can enhance the customer experience by allowing the customer to interact with you efficiently and inexpensively and with little hassle to the consumer. But if you do it wrong, there are few things that make a customer more angry than an lousy IVR System, especially one that doesn't allow you to escape and every find a human.
This has led to the creation by Intuit of "Find A Human" - a cheat sheet of how to find a human within popular IVR systems. What a concept - Actually speaking to a human!
"Hello and welcome to the psychotherapy help-line.
If you are obsessive compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly at five-second intervals. If you are co-dependent, please ask your partner to press 2 for you.
If you have a multiple personality disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we already know who you are and what you want. We will trace the call and get back to you.
If you are schizophrenic, a little voice inside your head will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, press all the numbers at once - you might as well, no-one will answer anyway.
If you have an anxiety disorder, start pressing numbers at random.
If you are addictive, press hash. If you are delusional, press star.
If you are phobic, don't press anything.
The voice activated IVR systems are a good source of amusement to the harried customer. For some it is like talking to a loving spouse. They seem to be listening to your request yet somehow you always end up getting hung up on!
Posted by: Marta Wells | October 26, 2005 10:35 AM | Permalink to Comment